Marital Unity

“Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27)

What does it mean to “be one”?

Richard B. Miller taught, “Parents must be united in their leadership. It is important that parents work together in their leadership in the family. Sometimes a parent forms a coalition with a child against the other parent. Although usually unspoken, a parent undermines the other parent. It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children. If parents disagree on parenting issues, they should discuss the issues in an “executive session” without the children present. Children often try to play their parents off of each other. Consequently, it is important that parents make sure that they are working together and making decisions that are consistent with each other.” (pg. 2)

There can be many things that parents can differ on in their ideas. Discipline can be of them and even though it is one of the most important aspects that parents need to be united in, if they are not united it can cause much discord in marriages and families. For example, it one parent says it is okay for a child to do something and the other parent says it is not okay. I have an uncle that told his son he could not get his ear pierced. The next day his wife took their son and got his ear pierced. They disagreed as equal partners and instead of discussing the issue among themselves and coming to a solution, one partner defied the other partners will. Needless to say, their children all suffered from the lack of unity in the way they disciplined their children. My uncle and aunt eventually learned how to communicate better and supported each other and learned to become one in their parenting.

President Joseph F. Smith counselled, “Parents… should love and respect each other, and treat each other with respectful decorum and kindly regard, all the time. The husband should treat his wife with the utmost courtesy and respect. The husband should never insult her; he should never speak slightly of her, but should always hold her in the highest esteem in the home, in the presence of their children… The wife, also, should treat the husband with the greatest respect and courtesy. Her words to him should not be keen and cutting and sarcastic. She should not pass slurs or insinuations at him… Then it will be easy for the parents to instill into the hearts of their children not only love for their fathers and their mothers, not only respect and courtesy towards their parents, but love and courtesy and deference between the children at home” (pg. 283–284).

President Spencer W. Kimball shared, “Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him” (pp. 340, 341).

Learning to become one takes effort, desire and communication in a marriage. It may mean stripping ourselves of pride, our own agendas and listening to our marriage partners views. Learning how to listen and compromise can be key in becoming one. Children need parents to be on the same page, to be firm in their ideals and discipline. Marriages and families will function greater when unity is realized in marriages. 

Think about your own marriage and areas that you need to be "one" in with your partner. Make an effort today to reach out, discuss and determine what changes need to be made so your family can function as a stronger, healthier unit.

References:

Kimball, Edward L. and Kimball, Spencer W. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball. Deseret Book Company. 1982

Miller, Richard B. Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University. 2009

Smith, Joseph F. Gospel Doctrine. Deseret Book Company. 2002

Photo Credit 1: http://abiblicalmarriage.com/when-two-become-one/

Photo Credit 2: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/316307573823417053/