Marital Stewardship

 

What does marital stewardship look like in your marriage?

When people marry, they make covenants, vows, and promises to each other until “death do they part” or for all eternity. With these promises come responsibilities, commitments, and obligations to each other. Stewardship is about taking care of those responsibilities and commitments you made to your spouse. It is about fulfilling the promises that were made to each other. 

There are many areas of stewardship in marriage, but I will address two.

First, is the stewardship to love, honor and cherish one another. No one, or nothing else, should come between us. This includes people, things, careers, hobbies etc. “Neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” (Kimball, 250)

Our love is to be for our spouses. We need to make sure that our hearts, emotionally, spiritually and physically are turned toward are spouse.

Here is a set of questions you can ask yourself to help understand what emotional fidelity in marriage looks like and to see where it could be easy to veer off onto forbidden paths that that lead away from your spouse: (Matheson, 13-16)

1.      “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”

2.      “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”

3.      “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”

4.      “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”

5.      “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”

6.      “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”

7.      “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”

8.      “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

If you answered yes to any of those questions, it is important to turn your heart completely back to your spouse and drop the “friend” who is keeping you from fulfilling your stewardship role in your marriage. It is important that there is honesty in our relationships, and that we take time to evaluate the areas we need to improve in. Having open and honest conversations with our spouse can help us overcome challenges and ensure happiness in our marriages.
                           

Second, is sexual fulfillment in marriage. President Spencer W. Kimball shared that “Divorces often occur over sex…If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reasons. Generally, sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (329)

Why is this? One author has suggested that ignorance is the cause. He states, “A failure to understand your own body, your partner's responses, and the essential ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship quickly becomes a failure to find sexual satisfaction as a married couple. Problems in this area of a marriage relationship can severely impact couple communication and caring, and leads often to insecurity, anxiety, frustration, anger, emotional alienation, and even divorce.” (Brotherson, 3)

To be a good steward over your sexual fulfillment might mean each spouse takes responsibility to learn about their partners sexual needs, to communicate better with each other and to learn how to better meet each needs and desires. Gottman recounts in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: “So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are … indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk … The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy. But when communication is fraught with tension, then frustration and hurt feelings too often result” (200-201). So, make conversations about sex direct, open, light, fun and informative. Make sure you are clear on what your partner needs from you and what you need from your partner.

To conclude sexual stewardship in marriage, “Think about your sexual relationship and how you have willingly improved or enhanced its quality as a marital steward, or whether you have avoided and ignored this aspect of your marital stewardship. What would you say if the Lord asked you to account for your efforts in this area? Have you been kind? Have you sought greater light and knowledge? Have you exercised patience and encouragement? Have you pursued answers in faith? These are all characteristics of a wise and caring steward. It may be helpful to write out your thoughts about your shared sexual stewardship in marriage.” (Brotherson, 6)

Marital stewardship can help couples turn their hearts toward each other and keep them there. Take care of each other, love and cherish each other and have fun together learning how to strengthen your love and fulfill each other in all ways.

References:

Brotherson, S.E. Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage.  Meridian Magazine. 2003.

Kimball, S. W. The Miracle of Forgiveness. Salt Lake City: Bookcraft. 1969.

Kimball, S. W. and Kimball, E. L. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball. Deseret Company. 1982.

Matheson, K.W. Fidelity in marriage: It's more than you think. Ensign, Sept. 2009.

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