Your Best Friend

Who is your best friend? If you are married, did you automatically think of your spouse? Why or why not?

John Gottman, in his Book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” shared, “whatever the current state of your marriage, it will benefit enormously if you support, reinvigorate, or if necessary, resuscitate your friendship” (page 52). Why is friendship so important in marriage relationships?

Gottman states, “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship” meaning that couples have “a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company” and “they know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out” (page 21).

Friendship should be the foundation of love. It fuels the “flames of romance” because friendship protects against negative feelings towards each other and helps couples “feel optimistic about each other and their marriage…have positive expectations about their lives together…and to give each other the benefit of the doubt” (page 22).

My husband is definitely my best friend and I love spending time together with him. We enjoy different activities, but because we love spending time together, we have learned to compromise and do things we might not naturally enjoy otherwise. Take for example my husband’s love of backpacking. He loves it when I make an effort to go with him on backpacking trips, even though I don’t enjoy having a pack on my back or sleeping on a ground mat in a tent, I do love the time we have to ourselves and being in the great outdoors. He in turn does thing with me that I love doing. Friendship fuels our love and passion because of the intimate emotional connections we make with each other everyday. If your marriage is lacking in passion and intimacy, try working on your friendship and start rebuilding your emotional connection and you will see a mutual love, respect and passion rekindle in your marriage.

References:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.). New York: Harmony Books.

Photo Credit 1: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/166211042472392041/?lp=true

Photo Credit 2: https://www.vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vector/grandparents-love-relationship-cartoon-vector-22450880